tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ok first of all what the fuck
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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