how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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