It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
