Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
