He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
