the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
