I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
