im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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