You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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