rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
