I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
