I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
