THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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