i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
