I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
