About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
