ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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