i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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