I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
