U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she peed on how many people?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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