The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just crazy horny about you
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
