I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
