I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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