pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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