Pappa wants mamma naked
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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