god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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