It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
