I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
