Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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