I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
