I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
