is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
