Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
