my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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