He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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