Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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