yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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