she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
