I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
