i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize