Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
