I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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