i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
