Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
