Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
