i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
