We're like a lot better than the average bears
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
