So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
