she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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