So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize