A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
