One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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