how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
