Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
