A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
