Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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