And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
