So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My balls are so social today.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
