I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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