You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
