2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
