Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
