I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize