I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
