dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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