This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
