please come you make the beer taste better
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
