When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
