He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
