Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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