i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I want a musical about memes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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